Exclusive Interview #1 Garga - One Month In

With numerous news outlets begging for a chance to speak face to face with our two great warriors, I knew my best chance was to get into their element.

Find them when they don't expect it.

I set me sights on Garga first..

If there is one thing that Garga likes more than a Twizzler buffet its ladies. So I knew I would have to get into the trenches. And when I say trenches, I mean places where only whores hang out. After trying Lafeforest Mall, Frederick, and Bailey's there was still no sign of Garga.

No one had even seen the man.

I was just at the point of giving up when I received an email.

"Rio. Lake Benches. Midnight."

-G

As any good reporter would do I showed up on time and was ready for anything.

I walked into quite the scene. Girls surrounded Garga. They touched, poked, prodded and probed as we spoke. Way too many women for one man. Did he want Psycho to see this? I wasn't sure but I was definitely going to get my questions out.

Here they are...

(James Winovich) So first Garga tell me about how this first month has transpired for you, and when i say "how this first month has transpired" I really just mean how many chicks have you banged.

(Gargantuar) Well to be honest, I bang a new chick every night...so slightly below my average. There is just not enough time to concentrate on women when you have a body of a greek god to sculpt. But considering all aspects, I'd say I feel pretty good about the first month. They diet has been pretty easy to maintain (except in Vegas), and I've definitely noticed a difference in how fast and long I can walk now. If there is something to improve on it's going to the gym more consistently.

(JW) Are you scared losing weight will stop your karma sutra like sexual prowess?

(G) What are you retarded? No, I'm pretty confident in my abilities to please the masses. Losing weight can only make me more flexible and have more stamina. Ladies of the world, watch out!

(JW) One night with Psychotron. Top or Bottom?

(G) ...

(editor's note) When I asked this question he broke my face. The audio will never be revealed.

(JW) At the State of the Union address Obama had some interesting things to say about this competition, but he used a lot of big words and I tuned out. What did you think about that?

(G)It was quite an honor to have The President of The United States mention The Tron and I's competition. After all, I did run against him and win the general election. But I felt bad so I erased everyone's memory and gave it to him. He was crying like a baby. But to have him talk with pride about this competition, I'm glad I gave him the job.

(JW) Any parting words for Psycho? Be as sexual and violent as possible please...

(G) Ooooo I can't wait for February 6th!!! "The Big Heavy Weight Fight Weigh In Spectacular Extavaganza" or "TBHWF-WISE" as it's called, will be a night Psychotron never forgets. Because When I win...I'm going to remind him for the rest of his life. At first it will just be me rubbing it in his face...then, after a year or two, it will just be a phone call:
Psycho: "Hello?"
Me: "Hey man, remember that time I won the first weigh-in?"
Psycho: "Yeah, I remember."
Me: " Ok just checking. You wanna play Rock Band?"
Psycho: "OK. See ya soon"

(end interview)

At that point I was demanded to leave the lakeside bench so I respectfully left Garga to his meditation.

Despite that amicable ending I could see the fire of competition in his eyes, and in the ladies he was accompaning's genitals.

The vegas line has not moved a smidge off of Pick 'em. But that will certainly change following the weigh-in.

For now all we can do is wait.

Tune in next time when I score an interview with his competitor.. The Psycho himself!

I'm James Winovich