Hello and welcome sports fans to what promises to be an extremely exciting 6 months of action, adventure, sadness, deception, a little teasing, a LOT of touching, and 4 giggles. I'm James "18,19,or 20" Winovich and I'm here in the beautiful press box of the MGM Mattingly Grand Hotel for the First Weigh-in between Joe "Psychotron" Mattingly and Nick "Gargantuar" Engle. and if you haven't heard these two names yet sports fans you soon will. We have an announcer. These two men are putting themselves through hell and back in the hopes they will lose more poundage than the other man over a 6 month time period. It's a battle of manhood in its purest form. And most cuddly.
The fans are jacked for the first appearance of our two warriors of the......What's this??? is that "ThunderStruck" i hear?
Yes yes it is.. its Joe "Psychotron" Mattingly!!!
The fans are besides themselves as he walks down the aisle. Wearing his trademark glasses, that devil may cry beard, those classic blue jeans, those huge biceps, that manly but still cute smile across his lips, that huge bulge, mmmm the things i would do to this man.. mmmmmmm. but a calm cool and collected look of confidence is written all over this man's face, which is quite the feat considering what's on the line for these two men. 10's of dollars worth of prizes, the girls, the fame, the stakes just don't get higher in the fake sports world. So focused is this man I just saw a woman flash him and he didn't even bat an eyelash. He did try to squeeze it, but he didn't even bat an eyelash at the young harlot.
Ok well it appears Psychotron has reached the stage and now we await the entrance of his competitor.
oooo and here he comes now Nick"Gargantuar" Engle... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While Psychotron was stoic, Gargantuar is the polar opposite almost sprinting down the aisle high fiving as many fans as possible as his theme music "She Bangs" plays. And it appears a young lady will be banging later as he appears to be signing a lucky ladies breasts. Oh there is no end to the Gargantuar's insatiable need for hardcore sex and cotton candy. He's still writing folks, such attention to detail. It appears his pen has ran out of ink and hes using his tongue as a pen? This is something I've never seen in my ten minutes of broadcasting.. It appears he doesn't realize there is no ink in your tongue!!! Possibly Joe can use lack of of knowledge to his advantage later on in this competition. God i miss John Ritter, what a talent. Ok Ok The Gargantuar appears to have finished writing and has reached the stage. Let's get to the reason we are here, the weigh in.
First on the scales is Psychotron. He steps on the scale and the crowd goes hush as The Battle Marshal grabs the microphone as he adjusts the scales... let's listen in.
"Psychotron. 346.6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
With a "I just got laid and I lasted more than 30 seconds" smile Pyschotron returns to his seat laughing while looking directly into Gargantuars face as the crowd screams with excitement and pleasure.
Gargantuar is next, appearing not at all rattled by the Tron. Lets go back to the The Battle Marshal for the announcement.....
"Gargantuar. 309.8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can't hear myself think in here as the fans are going crazy. I'm not really sure why they are going crazy as this is just a weigh-in but nonetheless Oh NO Gargantuar pushed Psychotron and now they are face to face...!!!!!!! no one talking...just staring into each others eyes with a fierce passion and the never ending burning of the flames of competition, sparkles, and alcohol coursing through their veins.
How will this turn out? Who will lose more weight? Who will get laid first? Who will win the prizes? Who will be shunned forever in sad sad defeat? Stay tuned folks, it's going to be one hell of a ride.
And always remember, follow your dreams.
And also, the field is always easier to play on if the grass is cut. And by cut, I mean not yet grown in.
I'm James Winovich.
\mm/
No comments:
Post a Comment